In my early 20s, I was in heavy bumper-to-bumper traffic. Then, out of the blue, I begin to mentally freak out. I felt trapped – like I couldn’t get out, but I somehow managed to calm down. After that, I didn’t think much of it until it happened again in a similar traffic situation. This time, I “talked myself down,” so to speak. I said, “You aren’t trapped. If anything happens, you must shut off the car, take the keys, and walk out of traffic.” After that, the issue seemed to disappear.
But They Returned
Fast forward to seven years ago when I’m sitting in a restaurant. I don’t know what triggered it, but suddenly I feel a wave of fear go through my body, and I feel like I’m going to be sick. So I left the table and rushed out the front door into the January weather. It was then that I realized I didn’t have a stomach ache and didn’t understand why I believed I would be sick. So I returned to the table only to have the same experience, but this time, I left. Again, waves of “nausea” filled the ride home. I called my husband to have him pray for me, which ended the entire thing.
But the next three months were a struggle. My experience in the restaurant kept returning at various unexpected times, and I was at a loss. Finally, I heard the Lord say, “When this happens, you are to stand up to it and command it to leave.” (I will talk about hearing God in future posts) From that point on, whenever this feeling would try to overtake me, I would state, “In the name of Jesus – Go!” Although it sounds simple, it’s not easy when you are in the midst of it. I had to make this declaration many times, but within two or three weeks, I had conquered it! But a year later, I was onto the following problem in late June
Racing Heart
I woke up in the middle of the night feeling physically weird. At first, I couldn’t figure out what was happening, but I quickly realized that my heart was racing. And I do mean racing! I don’t think it could beat any faster. My husband was up doing work, so I got out of bed and explained what was happening. After ten minutes, I decided I should go to the hospital when suddenly my heart rate returned to normal.
The same thing occurred three weeks later, but I began noticing a pattern. In both cases, I woke up from a dream that had an element of fear. I was not afraid in the dream, but my heart began racing within fifteen seconds of opening my eyes, and this started happening more frequently. But I somehow knew that a doctor wouldn’t find anything wrong with me and doubted it was a physical heart issue as it only occurred at night after a fearful dream. So I asked God what the problem was, and two weeks later, I received the following answer: “What you are experiencing comes from a spirit of fear, and you have to fight it. I will give you the strategies you need to defeat it.”
There is a normal fear. It is there to keep us safe and hopefully stop us from doing dumb things, but this wasn’t the emotion of fear; this was a spirit of fear, which is different.
I had no idea how to fight this, but God gave me the scripture from John 4:18:
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out all fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears has not been made perfect in love.”
I have heard part of that scripture quoted many times. Most people say, “perfect love casts out all fear.” But, when I read it for myself, I realized I hadn’t heard that fear was related to the fear of punishment. Hmmm… I still didn’t know what to do with that, but the Lord told me that when my heart started to speed up, I was to speak out that scripture. So I did, and my heart immediately began to return to a normal pace. But after a while, it almost felt like it stopped working, and I was back at square one.
Then the Lord told me, “Regardless of what your heart feels like, you are to get out of bed and worship.” I did that as well, and it worked. With everything I went through, God had given me a strategy. I either spoke to it or worshiped through it. And it’s hard! When your heart’s racing and fear begins to overwhelm you, it is difficult to get a grip and focus. I started looking for a new strategy but quickly realized I had to stand my ground with the two I had. Slowly, I began to overcome it. The episodes became farther apart until they became nonexistent. It took about a year and a half, but the battle became easy. I believe that if I didn’t get the strategy from heaven, I would have gotten worse, and it may have become debilitating.
The Final Answer
Finally, God said, “What is getting called anxiety is fear. You can call it what you want, but it’s fear. What you have experienced in the restaurant (and the three months after) and in the bumper-to-bumper traffic were panic attacks. It’s all rooted in fear.”
I don’t know what I thought a panic attack was, but I didn’t think I had experienced one. I believed it was more debilitating than what I experienced. I remembered stories where people froze and had to pull the car over because they couldn’t continue driving. I didn’t realize I had a milder version of that.
As much as we would all love an instant healing, it isn’t always the way God does things. When we have to “walk things out,” we often learn much more than if we received something immediately. If you are experiencing these types of episodes in your life, I hope you will turn to the God of All, and get the answers you need!
Until next time under the palm, be blessed!
