In Part One, we talked about shame caused by our own actions. In Part Two, we’ll talk about the shame put on us by others.
Shame From Others
I know people who have had parents who told them all women are dirty, ridiculed parts of the male and female anatomy, told them not to touch themselves when bathing, and mocked a school subject of interest. And then there is the shame survivors of sexual abuse carry.
The painful feelings of humiliation and distress are instilled in you by others. This time, you are subject to their moral compass, not yours, but in the process, they have caused you to believe what they said is true. The person who said ‘all women are dirty’ was a mom who told it to her sons. I often wondered if that meant she and her daughters were dirty as well? What was the point in saying that? Was it an attempt to dissuade her sons from premarital sex???
For the person who was told not to ‘touch themselves’, the simple act of showering caused distress. Again, what was the point of telling a child that? Were you a victim of insults and told things like: You’re stupid, you’ll never amount to anything, I should have aborted you, and the list goes on. Insults, especially from parents or those who raised you, can become embedded in your self-worth, especially when you hear those things repeatedly.
What Does God Say?
Much like Part 1, it’s list-making time! What has been spoken over you that is causing you distress? Put it on that list! Search the scriptures. What does God say about those things? He never said women were dirty; they are his creation and a gift to Adam because it wasn’t good for him to be alone, so God made a suitable helper -Eve. Showering shouldn’t cause stress. The Apostle Paul wrote much on the subject of taking care of your body. You are not stupid or worthless; you are a creation of God’s own design, and He doesn’t make garbage.
Psalm 139: 13-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Where to Go From Here
To get out from under what other people have done, you will need to forgive them. Forgiveness does NOT mean that the person is guiltless; it means that you no longer let them live in your head. You may need to distance yourself from them, and if it was sexual abuse, you really should stay away.
When you make your list of people and what they’ve said, a prayer like this will help break things:
“Lord, I repent for holding unforgiveness against (name the person). I cut it off (the things they’ve said about you) from my life and decree that it can no longer operate. I ask you to bring in Your healing to those wounds.”
Look up scriptures that say what God says about you.
- Psalm 139: 13-14: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
- Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
- Galatians 4:7: “So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are His child, God has made you also an heir.”
It’s time to shake off the shame others place on you and become who God says you are.
Until next time under the palm, be blessed.
